22nd of June 2016: A birthday…

…Like many others, except today is my induction into the Grown Woman society. You see today folks, I’m thirty. A man once passed thirty and he said:

“Thirty was so strange for me. I’ve really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult”

I thought to myself something very similar this morning, as I ate leftover mini chocolate doughnuts for breakfast. I probably should have realised that I’m a ‘walking, talking adult‘ many years ago. Maybe when I graduated; maybe when I moved out; maybe when I got married. Maybe while I checked my bills today and then flicked them off the desk. Instead, the realisation has been a tip-toeing second place runner who’s finally catching up with yours truly. Not quite though- I’m too fast, I’m too quick

It’s not strange though, it feels natural- the year’s up on 29, this was the only way this was going to go! Contrary to what your grandmother and your aunty told you about a woman hitting thirty this is exciting. Of course some things have changed. Hangovers feel like complete death now and I can’t stay out late at Livin’ Proof then casually function at my optimum the next day like I did at uni. I don’t want to do that any more though, I don’t need that ability. Who needs that?

All the ‘Happy Birthday’, ‘Love You ‘and ‘Damn you’re old, Char!’ messages from my family and friends make me feel unexpectedly sentimental, blessed. Everything seems right to me- not perfect- but right. Something that comes with getting older is you learn the imperfections are what’s really you and that’s what you love- in yourself and others. Thirty means I’m on the brink of something new. A new hand being dealt for my next chapter and I don’t know what the cards are but I think they are good ones. I think there are at least two aces.

This eternal sunshine is only on the inside. I’m looking outside my window and I’m gradually accepting that this is going to be the first birthday ever in life where the sun doesn’t come out! Whatever, I don’t need it. If Glastonbury doesn’t need it, I don’t need it.

Overwhelmingly though I feel thankful. Like for most other people, it isn’t always the smoothest ride to the beach but I’m thankful for the bumps, they make me. I’m thankful that I’m alive, all my faculties are in place and I have a good body (when it wants to behave!). I’m thankful that somehow, I’ve ended up on my life walk with an incredible man who is all the things I didn’t even know I needed. I’m thankful that my baby sister has grown into a smart, funny woman who reminds me its ok to do weird stuff quickly before anybody looks. I’m thankful that my brothers put their macho and muscles aside for a second if I need to talk. I’m thankful for my best friends, who have become my family. I’m thankful for my family, who will always have my heart.

I’m thankful that I still sometimes get ID’d for alcohol purchases. I just thought I’d say that. I love that.

I’m going to look back at this piece one day and wonder why I don’t think in a straight line but not all lines are supposed to be straight. There are many paths I could have taken and today, I am thankful for taking the ones that led me here.

Thirty, I’m coming for you!